Saturday, November 20, 2010

Dymo Episode V

This is mediocre because I wrote it in what? 10 minutes? 5? Anyway, enjoy.

Dymo has a job as a lawyer. Of course, we never said he was a good (or well known) lawyer, and he never really gets a job call. In fact, he has to sustain himself by cleaning out the long drops in public campsites on weekends. (Not that he complains because he gets paid well.) So naturally, when his lawyery prowess was wanted, he jumped straight into the job.

A presumed Geoff Cameron sat on the small bench in Dymo's office.
Dymo read his story.
"Really?" Dymo asked Geoff. "Is this all true?"
"You doubting me?" he retorted. "I could ask a different lawyer y' know. It just so happens that you have the lowest rate."
"No no, please. It's just that it seems so far fetched and..."
"The case is tommorrow, and ye better be ready by then."
Dymo looked blank for a moment. Then he thought about what he should say. So he stayed blank. Then life came back into his face.
"What? Tommorow?"
"Thank you very much, I'm sure I can leave now."
Geoff started getting up, opening the door. (At the same time. It was a small office.)
"But wait! I don't know anything yet. You can't leave me..."
But Geoff had already left the building.
"He could've told me which place we were going." Dymo said resentfully.

The next day, there were a lot of juries because the court had decided that this was a hard case. In fact, it was so hard, that they needed to call the fire brigade to crack open the briefcase.
The prosecution's lawyer coughed as he looked inside the remains of his case. He found some matches, his soggy lunch, and the fact sheet all crumpled up.
"Well," he started. "We are quite sure what we are here for today. We are here, to argue about Mr. Cameron's property, scuffle a bit, get on with some hearty fisticuffs, and end with at least three ribs broken."
The jury cheered at the proposal.
"So, just to get this over and done with, I believe that my client has every right to be treated as an equal to human beings and be free. Thereby, I order Mr. Cameron to release his carpet."
The jury gasped. One of them said, "So we were called here to decide the fate of a carpet?"
"Not just any carpet." the lawyer said. "A magic carpet! With a will and mind like you all!"
The jury gasped.
The carpet walked into the court.
The jury gaped.
This carpet didn't look special, Dymo noted. Except for the fact that it was walking on its two back corners. It looked just like any high quality, hand woven, highly historical, silk Persian rug. And to be honest, it was pretty small.
Unfortunatly, the jury was roused up by the lawyer's short speech. They were already simpathising with the carpet.
Dymo called out. "Wait! It is still a Thing, is it not?"
The jury murmured a disapproval. "Surely it has feelings and thoughts?"
Then Dymo tried the honest approach. "Ah, but if your roast chicken started dancing around and doing the mambo, wouldn't you go on eating it? Anyway, you guys all like sausages right?"
Some of the jury murmured something like approval.
"Wait!" the lawyer exclaimed. "But this carpet is not livestock! Why should we not spare him?"
"Why shouldn't we spare livestock?" Dymo sneered.
"Because they are... livestock." The lawyer was running out of comments.
"Ah ha!" Dymo declared. "That's like racism! It's like saying we don't need to care about black people, or white people, or yellow people, or blue people, or green people, or people with polkadots. It's not fair! You're saying that a life of a carpet is more important then those of a cow!"
Then the lawyer had an idea. "Ah, but this carpet will be alive, and will be trampled on for his whole living life. That is torture and cruelty!"
Then the lawyer started laughing maniacly because he was very happy about this blow.
Dymo shifted his foot uneasily. Then said "Can we have the fisticuff now? Winner wins the court case."
"Agreed!" squealed the lawyer.
So Dymo and the Lawyer started having the fight. So did Geoff Cameron and the carpet, because Geoff wanted his carpet back and the carpet wanted out. Then the jury and judge started joining in for the heck of it.
After a moment, the lawyer was thrown three meters into the air.
Then the carpet realised what a stupid thing he was doing, and walked outside nd became free onhis own accord.
Then Dymo realised what a stupid thing he was doing, went home, and started writing a letter to Geoff for the fee.

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This is Dymo

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New Zealand
He has many ambitions, some of which include art, while others include food. The common feature of all his ambitions is that they involve him staying at home. This comic is one of them.

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